U guys read about the incident in America where the Vice-President Dick Cheney shot his friend while hunting? If not, go read up on it then watch this. Freaking funny.

Just finished a paper. Will do brilliantly (that means either a C or C- hur hur). Hate exams. As with most people, so shan't bore.

Saw something in the library yesterday that made me snigger and suck coffee up my nose. Was mugging with long-necked-drain but he din see cos he was obsessed with staring at his crotch (sleeping on the table lar...but it really looked like he was staring at his crotch. hur hur)

Stupid girl sitting diagonally right of me. Not hot so din take much notice of her. Then her phone rings, think it was some stupid Nokia Ringtone. Very loudly. She panicked and u know what she did?

She SHUSHED AT HER PHONE. Yes, she said "Shhh!!!" to her phone. Instead of silencing it with a button as we mere mortals do, she "shhh" it. Maybe her phone is some new-age gadget that works by voice activation, but the mechanism was faulty that day i guess. It din work.

After a delayed reaction of about 8 seconds, in which time more and more people were glaring in admiration at that wonderful voice-activated gadget in her hands that was emitting such wonderful alluring music, she finally gave up and pressed the button.

Guess technology is catching up with us hor?

Oh and did u guys know we have very avid political and social debaters in NUS? I know that the elections are coming but must we have rallies in the libraries as well? Cos it really does seem that case lei. Case in point, got 1 table behind me with 3 girls and 2 guys. They were engaging in very serious debates, namely: where they should go after the exams, which pub has the cheapest entry rate, and "ooooooohh!!! your necklace damn pretty lei!! Where u buy one huh?"

Hmm, our library users are indeed serious debators who are so imbued with the need to argue the important issues afflicting and affecting our society today that they have to discuss these pressing issues in the library. Oh and of course when u debate, u must be loud ma, if not the next table and the next table and the next table cannot hear u lei. Then your lively debates would not reach the wide audience it was intended for. Just wanna thank these students for enlivening my study of the law with such intellectual discourse. Now i know where to buy pretty necklaces.

Ok back to studying how wives and husbands screw each other. In the meanwhile, watch this clip. Only 2 words to describe: Jack's Back!!.

Heard on Class 95 (and infused with my own creativity and humour of course):

All men in the world today are searching for this rare breed of homo sapien, known commonly as woman, or sometimes known by their variations such as vainpot, chio-bu, Eee!!-sibei-pai-kua-bu.

Their Characteristics:

This breed can wash clothes,
iron,
cook,
clean the house,
pay the household bills,
feed the kids,
teach the kids how to do secondary school maths questions when they are in Primary 1,
look good and pretty

ALL AT THE SAME TIME

The name of this breed:

SWISS ARMY WIFE

Hur hur.

The Age Issue

Something traumatic happened to me yesterday. Something tantamount to the sky falling on my head.

Someone called me an uncle!!!

Wah rao!!

uncleuncleuncle!!!

There i was, walking happily by my lonesome on my way to purchase a nutritious meal (2 piece kfc chicken meal....wooo!!), fiddling with my new phone (yes!! i have a new brilliant wonderful phone!!) when it happened. A bump. Looked down. Small little guy stared up at me with his innocent eyes. Then out came the dreaded words:

"Sorry uncle."

NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Stunned into paralysis, i stared unyieldingly at him. As with all kids, he gave me an innocent grin, and rushed off to find his mum. Recovering my senses, i told myself:

Relax. He's probably using a generic term honed from years of repetition, probably because he's constantly surrounded by true uncles. He probably did not get a good look at me too, perhaps too stunned by the impact to react accordingly. Dun worry, once he gets a good look he'll react accordingly. Breathe.

Then, with the waft of the wind, came the sound of his voice:

"Mummy why the uncle stare at me like that?"

!!!

Why?!!? I'm only 23 lei!! (tho my birthday is coming. hur hur.) And i was wearing my oh-so-cute monkey shirt lor!!


You know, i think we should really teach our young the proper way to address people lor. Certain people are clear uncles. For instance:

See the guy on the left. Ahh, that one u can call uncle. See they have a certian look one. Dun anyhow suay bian call uncle lar. The classic gold chain around the neck, the short crew cut hair, oh and of course the face. When contrasted with my beaming face, filled with the vigour of youth, the uncle-ness is more pronounced. I'm sorry cheek but for the sake of educating our youth, i have to use u as an example. Its just not right that i'm an uncle. hur hur.

Ok for the sake of completeness, i shall show u whats an auntie.



And this here is a prime example of an auntie. Again check out the classic characteristics. The faded polo tee, the unkempt long hair (thats probably messy from having to take care of 4 kids), and of course, the thick spectacles from having to help the kids with their homework.

So i hereby strongly advocate all parents to properly educate their young on the importance of addressing adults. For reference, check out the guide i've provided above. For someone as youthful looking like me hor, together with my youthful exuberance, my stylishly styled hairstyle, and the shirt, i can and should be addressed by a variety of terms like a "mister", a "sir" or a "yandao". Hur hur.


(current-song-playing-in-my-head: mo ri zhi lian --- Zzen Chen)

Interesting Observations about NUS

In my 3 years of NUS i have made some interesting discoveries about NUS:

1. Whenever you walk into the YIH study room in the morning, mysterious sheets of what are obviously scrap paper or rough paper appear on tables which are totally uninhabitated. Now though normal societal behaviour dictates that one should throw used paper away, our subjects actually treat them as valuable as gold, and respect their presence so much that we pay obeisance to them and retreat into a corner of the studyrm, far away from these papers, lest we disturb their holy aura.
   
2. Our NUS subjects do not understand the physical theory of space and matter. As such, they tend to imagine themselves and other people on A1 and A2 buses as compressible matter, whereby if u push hard enough, they can be compressed and hence more ppl can be squeezed up the bus.
3. That NUS is actually a breeding ground for covert undercover commandos. Hence the need to build the campus on bloody high slopes so that the subjects' leg muscles are well trained, and to build up their stamina.
4. That the Business Canteen Western Food uncle is actually an elite member of the Memory Institute. Hence his penchant to test his memory by yelling for orders 30 people down the line, and scolding you if u cannot meet his memory standards.
   
5. Ditto the Science Canteen Claypot family.

Hur hur. I think i can think of more. Wait until exams finish hor.

Ok i'm truly bored

So in the throes of boredom, i went to read other ppl's blogs. (note the difference hor, mine's a HLOG)

And i realise that everyone seems to have spiralled into a web of depression. Why lei?!

Aiyoh i would be the first to admit that my life sux too. Cos it really does lar. And its not juz cos i broke up, but also cos of some general musings i've been having. Shan't bore u all with tat. But hor, my point is, life must still be beautiful right? Cos if its not, then why the hell are we still living?

The chio-bu who caught u leering at her, and instead of calling the cops or her beefcake boyfriend decides to reward u with a smile... the sheer luck when a chio-bu sits next to you, and in so doing prevented the smelly obese secondary school boy standing next to you from sitting there...a chio waitress serving u at a restaurant, and who laughed appreciatively at your attempt to be funny... All these are prime examples why we shld be glad of our lifes!!! [ok i know my examples a bit the skewed, but hey! its my hlog! and i'm horny. hur hur.]

But in all seriousness hor, i think melancholy is a feeling that pervades and infects. Trust me, i know. U hang around a depressed person too much, and u'll feel like dunking his head into the toilet bowl, and then peeing all over him. So guess wat i want to say is to find ways to make yourself happier!! and u can start by reading my hlog!!

Oh and tat brings me to my main point: read my hlog!!

Haa i know i very buay hiao pai, but i dun care. Cos hor, can earn money from blogs one lei. Look at Xiaxue, wah kow she gets sponsered everywhere lar. So i shall unabashedly say that my aim is to earn enough from my blog to retire when i'm 25, buy an island off the Mediterranean, and live with ______ (insert name of any hot, pretty, young thing) there and engage in nocturnal activities day in day out. Hur hur.

To that extent, i shall aim to attract all of you to read by hlogging about things that are interesting, and of course my hallmark: classy, acerbic, caustic humour. hur hur.

Knn its 439 and i'm still stuck at "Introduction." And my neighbour's playing Rainie Yang Chen Ling songs on repeat?!!?!!!! Wat the f***!!

And He's playin these kind of songs, while he's half-naked, dressed in his red checkered boxers, with his awesome tummy spilling over the waistband, thereby creating many many layers of luncheon-meat-like flesh, and head bopping to the super-childish nuances of the songs. Ohmigod.

Wah lau i'm damn bored now. Cant concentrate on my essay, which is so strange since the topic is SOOOOOOOOOO INTERESTING.

"Critically analyse the report of the WTO Dispute Resolution Panel on Mexico - Measures affecting Telecommunications Services"

Woah...when i saw the topic i couldn't wait to read all the articles and literature on this topic man. I mean, i can practically feel my loins stirring at the amount of intellectual stimulation i will be receiving. Hur hur.

Anyway i've decided to change the term used for my entries. This blog will henceforth be known as a hlog - i wun tell u why unless u're (a) pretty, or (b) chio.

So, for my hlog today, i'm gonna entertain u ppl reading with some bo liao observations. Just hope it stirs your loins as much as mine was stirred by my essay. Hur hur.

Topic of the day: Why are slippers not allowed to be left outside the rooms in kuok?

12 noon: went for lunch and come back. Sauvely stepped out of my slippers at the corridor and came into the room to engage in another round of lively and robust typing for the above-mentioned essay.

1215 pm: Kim (dunno whats her official title at kuok lar) knocked on my door. "Oi your slipper again ah?!?!"

Me: "Huh? I in my room also cannot put outside meh?"

Her: "Aiyah u know cannot wat. Later hor corridor cluttered wiht everyone's slippers lei. U know how small our corridors are."

When i heard this argument, my mind wandered off. I dun think there's ever been more than 3 of us prowling the corridors at any one time lor. Maybe when i'm sleeping my neighbours all come out at night and wander along the corridors. Like ALL of them will come out at the same time and start wandering. Hence the presence of slippers along the corridor might seriously pose as a hazard to them, because as they're wandering, they might trip over the slipper straps, fall on each other, and engage in Brokeback activities. Oh, and for this scenario to happen, they must NOT be wearing the slippers as tehy prowl the corridor too.

Her: "And hor, slippers would be a fire hazard too."

Hmm...so if a fire broke out in kuok, the fact tat there are no slippers along the corridor would greatly aid us in escaping from a potentially life-endangering situation. Now, all we have to do would be to dig up our slippers or shoes from the recesses of our cupboard, which would of course be ostensibly further from the door, throw it on the floor, wear them, and then run out of the room, all the while screaming 'help help fire but dun worry there are no slippers along the corridor so u wun trip and fall and break your neck as u escape the fire!!!"

My legal training notwithstanding, i decided to hold my tongue. After all, she decides whether i have to clean my room before i return it for good. Hur hur..

Bo liao entry yes. Entertaining i know, but i cant hlog more. its 355 pm and my loin-stimulating essay is due tml. Knn.