Fwah!!

Din know actually got ppl read my hlogs. So many ppl gan me for not updating my hlog, so i shall make a concerted effort to update lor. But recently i v busy, not that i wan2 boast abt my social life (which is actually rather non-existent), just that i got lots of shit going on that has totally sapped my energy. And given the kind of standard i wan2 set for my hlog, i will not write unless the entry is going to be steady bom pi pi hor. heh heh. The topic for tonight is:

The Suey-est Day

I tell u, though this happened quite long ago, during the 1st day of Can Challenge, the sheer suey-ness of the day never fails to send a shiver down my spine.

And it all began when i went to rent a van with Jooch for Proj Can (which, by the way, i have penned a theme song: "This is a project that doesn't end...it goes on and on my friend...some people, started doing wihtout knowing wat it was...and these people who started doing did it just because..." dun need to tell ya what the tune is hor)

Time: 0930 hrs

Rented van. Proceeded from Pandan Loop towards NUS, with jooch at the wheel. As the Vehicle Comdr, i hollanded and we had to make a huge U-turn back to nus. Not my fault, was an excellent directonist. Just that, erm, street directory was written wrongly.

Time: 0945 hrs

Jammed on road. Rained pouring. Inevitably, we had to slow down and look for an emptier lane to travel on. Jooch at the wheel, took a peek at the left lane to see whether can turn. Suddenly, we heard screeching!!! A motorbike had skidded right next to our van, with the motorcyclist on top of it!!!

Skidded for a few metres, then came to a stop in front of our van. Scared the shit out of me and jooch. Our 1st thought was however: " eh shit did he bang into our van huh?" hur hur. Can't blame us wat, rental van lei. Anyway we saw the motorcyclist fly off his bike and slide a bit more on the wet road. Fwah. But amazingly,
He picked himself up. Power lar. Hopped on his foot for a while then he quickly picked up his bike and drove off. IF jooch had tilted the wheel a couple inches to the right.....

Time: 1000 hrs

After going back to school and picking up log stuff, proceeded out of clubrm. Suddenly couldn't find keys to van. After much frantic searching of my pockets and the surrounding area, the keys mysteriously surfaced.......in the box of logistics stuff!!! *cue mysterious ghostly music*

Time: 1030 hrs

Me piloting the van. Proceeding on CTE towards Kovan to pick up stuff. Hit 80 kmh in the tunnel and happily careening down on the outermost right lane. Suddenly, saw someone high-beaming (that irritating thing ppl do by flickin their lights on and off) me frm my rearview mirror and horning me incessantly, and tailgating damn close to me. Me n jooch panicked like siao cos we thought that our rear door had opened, or my exhaust pipe was spewing out green smoke or something. I then shifted to the middle lane so as to allow the 'nice man' to go to my right and perhaps signal to me what was wrong.

Knee nah bei!!!

That cock drove past me and middle-fingered me all the way till he was out of sight.

Kow!!

Cannot drive 80 on the right lane meh? Got law say cannot drive 80 on right lane ah? Why he cannot cut frm the middle lane lei? He rushing to go pee issit? Wah lau next time i see his car i go buy SBS double decker bus then neh si drive 30 on right lane. See he dare horn me or not.

Time: 1100 hrs

Driving on (forgot where liao). Going v fast on expressway and waiting to make left turn to exit. Checked my side mirror, glanced once at my blind spot, and looked back in front. Then when i swerved into the lane for the exit........
BEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

this small car whoosed past the van damn fast lar, narrowly missing jooch by inches. Wah i tell u ah, i 2 second earlier change lane, then wan le.

And finally, on to the finale......after a whole hard day's work of collecting the food frm tamp, ang mo kio and bringing everything back to kovan, me xi qian and quek and jooch and chee kian decided to head down to bedok 85 for a well-deserved supper. Need to feed our well-developed, bulging muscles with food ma. Hur hur.

Finale:

After the sumptuous supper, we happily loaded up the same wretched van to head home, since quek was gonna drive us all back. Stupid cheekian was the 1st to get home cos he live so near 85 (bloody hell shld have made him walk home himself). After we dropped him off, the unthinkable happened along Bedok Reservoir Road

Quek: eh dudes do u all feel the van like quite weird ah?

Us: Got meh? just a bit jerkier lar....

Quek: No lei, my side damn jerky lei...knn dun tell me the tyre punctured??!!?

Yiwen: No lar!!! How can i be so f**king suey!!! There cannot possibly be so many suey things happening to me and this stupid van in one day lor!!!!

Quek: Eh think i better stop the van and check.

Van stops. Immediately, all and sundry hears a "whoooosh...."

Hong gan liao.

Got down from the van, inspected the front left wheel, and this:















Totally flattened knn tyre. How can i be so suey!!!! Worse thing is, all 4 of us din know how to change tyre. Yes 4 big macho guys who dunno how to change tyre. Called the rental company, and effectively, wat they said was, screw off and fix the tyre yourself. Our emotions at that point would be succintly shown by the above picture.

But an amazing thing then happeened. An uncle suddenly cycled out of nowhere, approached us, and shouted: "Huh?! Ni men bu hui huan lun tai ah?! Wah lao hui jia che bu hui huan..."
As we hung our heads in shame, he proceeded to roll up his sleeve, and got down take out our tyre!!



Fwah!!

Never would i have thought that someone would just stop in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night at 1230 am, to help 4 total strangers, albeit one who look as innocent and angelic as me.
















Above is the remnants of our wretched van after the nice uncle was done with it. And yes, we have finally mastered the art of removing a tyre. However!!!!! That was not all to our suey nite.

When we took out the spare tyre, the freaking tyre was gas-less!!! It was even flatter than my 6-pec stomach!! Therefore, to our consternation, the uncle told us that somehow we had to get the tyre to a petrol station to pump it with air, with the nearest one being 1 km away...he then suggested that we ROLL the tyre that long to the station. Being intelligent undergrads, we decided to call the company again. With intense fury brewing in my soul, i snatched the phone away frm xiqian and screamed at the person to drag his ass down to where we were and repair the bloody tyre. He told us tat we would have to wait for at least an hr, so naturally, we expected to wait at least 2. While waiting....



















Yes. We laid down on the road like Banglas, lying on cardboard boxes. Think all the motorists passing by muz have thought we were some stoned out teenagers (see i'm not that old hor) drunk or sthg.

Wats worse is, when the guy finally reached, changed our tyre to the spare one, and told us to drive on, within a few metres, we could feel the van sagging again!!!!

ARgh!!!!

Epilogue:

Got home at 330 am, after the guy sent us home as penance for renting us such a f**ked up van. The rest naturally got home even later. Yes ladies and Gents, behold the suey-est day of my life.

I'm so sorry guys. Know i promised i'll hlog regularly but really been so damn busy these past few wks. Busy until my mother asked me when she saw me one morning:

"eh u live here meh?"

Hur hur. Anyway got lots to hlog about, like THE DAY OF SUEY-NESS, my Taiwan trip, Proj Can itself, Hathor Chalet and of course, my general kao-pei-ness.

But hor, i just came back from my chalet, slept a total of 4 hrs for 2 nites, and i have to serve my nation training now. So wait some more hor. Hur hur.

On the job front

Yeah i finally got my pupillage (something like professional attachment). For those who dunno hor, us law students have to apply for our pupillage positions one yr before we graduate (dun ask me why hor... i also dun understand), Was a freaking, scared-out-of-my-balls experience. On that first day when the moratorium is lifted (i also dunno the true meaning of that word...haa) the whole law 3 bunch descended on Raffles PLace to coerce, cajol, and seduce the firms into taking us in...

Brought a suit along, looked stunningly suave, (see picture at left, now who daresay i look like Ah Long huh?!) but was still damn nervous lar. Went for 2 interviews and while the first din go so well, the 2nd one at Rajah and Tann was thankfully a nicer experience. Had a nice chat with the partners and expressed my interest in their department lar.

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, i was offered a place!!!! Yeah!!! i'm gg to work in the iTec department so u can go surf and see wat we do lar. No more Ah Long!! ADvocate and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of Singapore in 2 years time ok!!


My Hair

My hair sucks now. Went to the hairdressing school as a favour to a friend's friend to be a 'model'. She spent 2 hrs just cutting my hair, cos she cut strand by strand, and after every snip, she would yell for her teacher to come see whether the strand is cut correctly.

Then after those tortorous 120 mins, she looked at me pleadingly and asked to dye my hair, to continue her training. And, as the kind, magnaminous person that i am, i said yes. BIG MISTAKE.

Dun laugh when u see my hair hor. I'll use my Dragon-Clawing-Tiger-Punching Fists on u. Sob sob...

Superman-Sucks-And-Should-Not-Return

Superman sucks. Big time. Story was not convincing, acting was pitiful, and movie was way too long. Spoiler alert ah:

I mean, the evil baldie's plan was a bit cock rite? Like build new land so ppl frm other countries would buy it frm him? i mean, like huh? Isn't he supposed to be some billionaire megalomaniac with lots of money to invest and do more profitable stuff with? Aiyah too lazy to critique movie lar, so read Ebert's review.

Ok i've hlogged 3 months worth in one nite. Keep coming back hor, i swear to update often and entertain u with my trademark humour and brilliant writing. Ha. Oh but can someone teach me how to put in a tagboard? Or best, do it for me. Hur hur.

Oh oh, and one more thing. Come for Proj Can this sunday!!! Its gonna be fun and meaningful!!!!

Stunning Revelations

During one of our many, many group outings with my Ethelonter Groupe earlier hor i found out some stunnning revelations about myself, and the first impressions i cast on other people. Apparently, people derive an evilness and fierceness from my face the first time they see me. Funny lei, when i see myself in the mirror, i think i look pretty darn good. But this little revelation has reminded me of the importance of smiling. So next time i see a new friend, i will bring forth my dazzling smile.

MY 24th Birthday

K lar i know this post damn out-dated lar. But i was too lazy to hlog before so read now!!

Yup. I'm all of 24 years young. I've witnessed the Tiananmen incident, the Iraq War (Part 1 and 2), the CPF Money, and the Progress PAckage, the latter 2 of course being the more important events. Hmm felt a bit weird la during the birthday period. Though got quite a few birthday cakes (and a sour apple tart by Denise --> Sorry hor i forgot the name of the thing...hee...) din feel anything lei. Think i'm really turning old. Well when u reach middle-youth, certain things happen...

1) Girls your age look and behave so much older than u do

2) Girls younger than you look and behave so much younger than you do

3) You achieve the same timing as u ran for your 2.4 km run during your NS days, but thats just for 4 laps.

4) The radio labels what used to be your favourite song from your time an "oldie"

5) Why u cant bring yourself to wear that cute monkey or Milk shirt u bought last time (refer to previous posts....haiz...)

Anyways, though i dun like to talk abt myself too much, I'll still do so for the remainder of this post!! Ha!! I'm feeling egotistical tonite!!

Yo Yo Yo!!!

Wow, i just realised i haven hlogged for almost 3 months. And why do i know that? Cos my loyal readers and fans have informed me lar. Hur hur. I got fans lei.

Well, i've actually not really been busy lar. Just lazy. Hur hur.

Seeing that its been so long, i have plenty to say, and of course to kao pei on. Let me start with the latest event.

Ethelonter III

Oh i forgot that my mantra when i started this hlog was not to bore my millions of fans with inane updates on my life. But i dun care. So i shall tell u guys all that i've done these past 2 months in enlivening and enriching this world with my presence.

The camp was super super fun. Really. Though it was ultimately very tiring and shagged the shit out of me, i really enjoyed the feeling of camaderie and friendships forged when lots of ppl are cramped and made to stay tog for long periods of time. Nothing gets u closer to another human being then smelling their BO and yelling at them: "Oi dun turn this way when u slp hor or else we'll end up kissing!!!"

Ok for the sake of my fans i'll give a blow-by-blow account of the whole experience. No lar. Too lazy. So just provide the highlights. Muz read hor. I take the effort to type, u better take the effort to read. Hur hur.

Overall a few things stood out during the camp.

1. Cluedo.

Why? Cos i Best Actor ma. I put up an extremely sensitive and emotional portrayal of a Debt Collector who was forced by circumstances into bullying certain people. Overall i think cluedo was damn fun lar...cos i think me, chee kian (and NOT renhong cos he was v slack) lived out our darkest desires to scold ppl. Hur hur.

Basically i would scream at the gullible freshies when they walk by my station and yell at them to do stuff for me. Like massages, fanning me, and singing. Damn funny cos sometimes we would screw up and then we have to react accordingly. Like once when i pointed at my substantial biceps and said "biceps." This frm a Ah Long who doesn't even understand "Thank you." Some of the councillors of that group laugh until peng. Later when the group left i also laughed until peng.

Then got another time Chee kian that cock hit me on the chest. I was so stunned cos wah lau where got Shou Sia hit his boss one. So i asked Renhong to pull him away and beat him up. But all 3 of us were trying so hard not to laugh that we almost couldn't act anymore. Damn cock lar cluedo. But i think now everyone can see my acting skills can rival Tony Leung. Hur hur.

2. Fright Nite

Generally quite smooth lar. We were stuck in the dirty tunnel for over 4 hrs but at least we kept each other awake by occasionally scaring Eng Khoon when he waddled in to scare us. Check out the Blair Witch video man...effect damn good.

Something weird happened though. My freshie Ives had came into the tunnel with his partner who was damn scared already. So we ghosts all instinctively decided not to scare her lar. I always touch the girl's ankle when she walk past me one (touch guy later kena kick - girls gentler so at the most only scold bad word only...hur) but this time i decided to touch the guy's leg instead. But hor, the next morning, Ives told me that the girl told him SOMEONE had touched her ankle at the same time i touched Ives'!!!

woooooooh wooooh wooooh.....( cue evil music and cold wind)

and thats not all. HE SAID HE SAW A PERSON WITH A WHITE FACE SITTING NEXT TO MY SILLHOUETTE IN THE DRAIN.

WAH KOW.

Dear fans, there was no one there next to me.

Wooooooooohhh...................( cue evil music, cold wind, and crashing thunder)

3. Freshies!!

Err on to a less scary topic (shit man now i keep looking over my shoulder). Hathor freshies are great!!! Heh a very funny and fun bunch of people who made our camp expereince so fun. Hmm but think cos i'm involved in too many activities liao so din have much chance to bond with them. But hopefully (and there better be) through the outings we can do more stuff lar.

Haa we recently had group outing where we celebrated Huimin's birthday with this damn elaborate and cheem plan.

a. Bluff her to go esplanade to eat. And must eat until 10 plus.

b. When she wanted to go home liao we kept exchanging gossip and talk cock to keep her distracted. This is to allow the main perpetrators Ives and Junrong to get the stuff ready.

c. Then gay siao bring her to walk along the Esplanade bay there to look for the 2 guys.

d. Then just before we reach the designated place, Junhui had to pretend he step on something to drag for time cos they not ready. Junhui the cock pretended a branch, yes a branch dear readers, had penetrated his shoe, through the sole, and pierced his feet.

I found his acting so incredibly lame that i laughed non-stop as he was 'yelping' in pain. Everyone thought i was gg mad alr. But at least Huimin blur blur never see through lar. Haa.

e. Finally, upon reaching the destination, the guys suddenly appeared with the birthday cake, lit and everything. We sing birthday song then out came the sparklers. Yesh we had sparklers to play with, really like national day/engagement party/hari raya. Haa.But overall very sweet effect lar. Then we gave her our present, which was a very pretty silver chain. Seeing the elaborate arrangement for this birthday hor, i just want to say........

I ALSO WANT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY HOR!!!

K lar thats abt it for the camp. Actually a lot of it is very memorable. Like the crazy-ass screaming (and blatant cheating) we had at sentosa, the truth or dare session at the chalet on the last nite, and just the friendships forged among everyone lar. But hor, its time to hlog more about myself. Hur hur. Ok next post.